Posted by: mzbitca | March 15, 2009

No matter how you view it, it’s all the woman’s fault

Today, as I wandered blurry eyed out of the bedroom, my husband had ESPN on as he was awake and that’s what he does when he’s awake.  The topic of the show was apparently sports stars with illegitimate children.  They were interviewing a few women who have children with some basketball players and how they feel about the situation.  The father of one child has 10 children with 9 other women and will not pay child support to any of them, his 15 year old son carries a basketball card of him around as a picture.  His mother was interviewing that she wished he was more involved but that she loved her son and that they had a good life.  The discussion then turned to what the members of the panel thought of sports stars who have multiple children with multiple women.  There were two men, one of whom was a lawyer for custody cases, and a woman on the panel. 

The first male immediately went into blaming the women who were gold-diggers and just trying to make money out of these men.  He claimed that they seduce the men who cannot help themselves and will have sex without condoms and then get pregnant and try and take all of their money.  He talked about how the women were devious and just after the money and the fame.  The second panelist decided that it was all societies’ fault.  Society, he claims, tells these men that everyone desires them and they are expected to have lots of women so of course they do it and then the women take advantage of their vulnerability.  He also claimed that many of these men are coming from homes where they are raised by grandmothers or single mothers so they are not getting the proper “education” in how to protect themselves from these women. So you got that, if it’s not the women, who have sex with the men, faults, than it’s their mothers and grandmothers fault for not teaching them right.

The one women panelist got a few sentences where she mentioned where is the responsibility for the men to wear condoms. Of course she was immediately shot down that that just wasn’t possible and “temptation” was too much for these poor men without fathers to explain to them how to handle it. It just blows my mind that the male panelists didn’t want to make the men take any responsibility, when it’s obvious that there are plenty of men out there who have not spawned children and then refused to pay for them. Lebron James is one of the biggest basketball players out there, if anyone could get ten-twenty women knocked up easily, it would be him.  Yet he is able to be a responsible father and human being.  Meanwhile, the panelists were defending a player who got caught selling cocaine as “having to try and pay for all his kids”.  This man makes tons of money, yet it still is “poor him”.  

Also nobody even mentioned once that maybe the way our society glamorizes athletes creates situations where irresponsibility and feelings of ownership of women can easily be developed.   I also thought that there was some “those wild inner-city kids can’t control themselves” attitude going on when talking about how many of these players came out of “certain types” of neighborhoods that did not give them good male role models.



  1. Great post, and thanks.

    It should also be noted that, in your first paragraph, the man in question was not paying child support for any of his ten children. So how are the women “gold diggers” and “after his money”? Seems like he has all the power here…. not to mention attorneys who can get him out of paying for his children.

  2. Excellent post!

    It’s so ironic that even when all these women haven’t been getting any money to look after the kids that both of them created, they get called gold diggers. Even when there’s more than a few women who an individual man has got pregnant and then left holding the baby, it’s entirely the women’s faults.

    Men have as much duty to avoid unwanted pregnancies as women: they may not face the physical burden, but they face some financial responsibilities, and don’t have the option of deciding to terminate because it’s not their body. If anything, men should be more careful, not less, because once the sperm is out of their body, it’s out of their hands if a pregnancy occurs.

    The fact that society routinely makes excuses for men who don’t take responsibility for ensuring they don’t get anyone pregnant if they don’t want kids, and don’t support the children they father, but instead blames women for ‘gold-digging’. As if chasing men down for meagre monetary payments and trying to get them to spend a bit of time with their kids whilst they work to raise the kids alone is an easy option!

    It’s only where men and sex are concerned that ‘I can’t help myself’ is seen as an acceptable excuse. People have problems understanding actual addicts and people with mental disorders who truly ‘can’t help themselves’ and insist that everyone should just suck it up and take responsibility, even where they can’t, yet adult, fully rational and mentally competent men are allowed to opt out of all sexual responsibility if they feel too lazy or unmotivated to protect themselves or do the ‘right’ thing. Ironic that society believes these poor widdle helpless men should actually be running the joint and have natural authority over women. Weren’t they the ones telling us men don’t even have authority over their own penises?

    I look forward to when adults are treated like adults. Women shouldn’t have to shoulder men’s responsibilities and be blamed for their mistakes, whilst all the while being told they’re helpless and useless.

  3. Great post.

    Interestingly, and infuriatingly, apropos of this:

  4. The idea that men can’t take responsibility for themselves and have no control is really sexist against men, except in this case it benefits them. If the roles were reversed and it were women using such excuses, they would be called on it and still be blamed. The first male mentioned is a horrible opportunist who will use anything he can to get out of taking responsibility for himself, and makes himself look like an ass in the process. Unfortunately there are many who will buy into this crap. I suppose this is one of many examples of how sexism not being exclusive to either male or female is still targeted more towards females for the benefit of disgusting, pathetic, mentally lazy men. I guess I can be happy that he is damaging his credibility to anyone who uses their brain.

  5. I read on another blog (oh my bad memory!) about that basketball player w/ 10 children by 9 mothers. What struck me was that he complained that they all told him they were on the pill, so why should he use a condom, and when they wound up pregnant, he was certain that they all lied to him about being on the pill.

    So, why does being on the pill automatically remove the responsibility for a condom? If you don’t want children as a man, then the more protection the better. A man’s choice ends when his sperm leaves his body.

    And why, when the pill can (and has, although not as much as the ab-only crowd would like us to believe) failed even during perfect use, is it assumed that the woman lied? Why would you automatically go to that place? That the woman was deceptive and purposely lied to get pregnant? Once, maybe I could see him thinking that, but as I read it, he fathered several of his children by that happening. Someone should have used a condom anyway. Insisted on it, and if it was an issue, then sex shouldn’t happen, if you don’t want to deal w/ children. A man’s choice to parent ends when his sperm leaves his body.

    Great post. All of this blaming makes me sick. Last I checked, a woman didn’t climb on top of herself and get pregnant.

  6. What bothers me about situations like this is that we have a tendency to demonize the woman in question and claim that it is she that needs to make better choices while not expecting the fathers in question to live up to their responsibilities. Men more often than not have the option of walking away. If we spent 1/4 of the time shaming these dead beat fathers as we do the single mother perhaps more children would not be growing up in poverty

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