Posted by: mzbitca | July 20, 2009

FML: Rigid Beauty Standards

Today, I proudly informed my boyfriend that I am now a size 4, down from an 18, after months of dieting and exercising after he told me he would like me to be a size 6. He broke up with me for “not listening to what he wanted” and “being an overachiever”. FML

The comments just make this even sadder.  They criticize her for changing her size to make a man happy yet shame her in the next second for either being too thin or too fat.  The disconnect is staggering.  What are they doing but commenting on a girls body that they have never seen and they wonder why she felt her worth in herself was based on another person’s view of her.  

The fact is that the comments play out just another part of the dance that women deal with on a day to day basis.  Anytime weight is mentioned it’s a free for all of shaming and inappropriate comments because once a woman mentions her body in some way it becomes free rein for discussion.  Never mind that the focus should be that this guy felt that there was only one specific way that his girlfriend should look and anything other was unacceptable.  Never mind what type of an abusive asshole that boyfriend must be and the analysis of what makes him like that.  Everyone is always content to just call the male an “asshole” and dismiss his behavior and thoughts as just a fact of life while they continue to psycho analyze a women’s self worth and motivation behind losing weight.  

It reminds me of why people enjoy correlational studies because it’s easier to focus  and speculate on a result than it is to actually look out for a cause.



  1. I am so tired. All I have to say is that there is no winning, most of the time, for women when it comes to their bodies.

    What the heck.

  2. The second he said “go on a diet to look like what I want you to look like, not how you do” she should’ve dumped his ass. He doesn’t want her to be anything more than arm candy, and he does not deserve to have a girlfriend, especially not one who wants to please him so much that she literally starves herself. (Not that anyone should ever starve themselves.)

  3. Genevieve–let us not assume that she is starving herself. Just because she’s now a size 4 doesn’t mean she got there through unhealthy means. As much as it is sad that her boyfriend said what he said, that doesn’t necessarily mean that she was at a healthy weight before, or that she is at an unhealthy weight now. She could be exactly the size she should be to be healthy at the moment. We don’t have nearly enough information to make such criticism.

  4. I find it hard to believe that someone can drop seven dress sizes without excessively curtailing their caloric intakes. And even if she wasn’t completely healthy at size 18, her health wouldn’t’ve been improved by dieting and dieting and dieting; but rather by getting the right amounts of nutrients if she was deficient in any, say. Or getting to a healthy cholesterol level. Or exercising to be stronger. Might that have also meant losing weight? Maybe, but not enough to drop seven dress sizes. Dieting isn’t healthy.

  5. all i can say to the girl is you deserve someone better than him whatever your size.

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