Posted by: mzbitca | July 24, 2009

Another FML Fail, squared

I logged on the Fmylife yesterday and saw this one

Today, my boyfriend decided to come clean. Apparently last week when I was drunk and asleep, he decide to wank all over me. Then laughed when I said I felt ‘sticky’ in the morning. FML

I was immediately thinking about the post I was going to write about how just because it’s someone’s boyfriend doesn’t mean it’s not assault when I saw this:

Today, I woke up with my boyfriend next to me, with his knob in my face. Apparently I’m a heavy sleeper, and he’d been shoving it in my mouth for months. FML

Sleeping next to someone is, in so many ways, an ultimate sign of trust.  You are letting yourself be unconscious around another person.  When people ask what is rape culture this is another perfect example.  Rape culture is when someone who claims to be there for you and respect you views your unconscious body as free game for fulfilling his sexual pleasure.  What is the worst part is this is something that arose because he was intimate with her.  While she falls asleep next to him every night he looks at her body as something that he has access to while awake so why not while she’s unconscious.  This was not a “joke” or one time occurance either, this was something he was consistently doing, something that had become routine for him.  People consistently talk about stranger rape even though most feminists know that date rape is much more common and this is an example of why.  


On a basic level in society women’s bodies are viewed as “ours.”  People comment on their appearance more than males, people judge their behaviors more than males, and people expect them to control others behavior more than males.  This type of belief creates situations where even people who may claim to “care” about you, still do not develop the same type of respect of bodily autonomy.  There are too many examples out there that allow them to laugh off behavior as a joke or justify their actions to themselves.  People know that “teabagging” is offensive when done to someone that’s not willing but for some reason using your g/f’s mouth to masturbate with is something entirely different.



  1. That’s… appalling. I’m afraid to even go over there and see what sort of comments those FMLs got.

  2. […] scary.  Mzbitca has been chronicling many of these such instances under FML Fail.  Yesterday, she put up these two: Today, my boyfriend decided to come clean. Apparently last week when I was drunk and asleep, he […]

  3. That is appalling. Personally I view initiating sex while asleep as in the category of many BDSM activities… given a prior discussion and limits, waking up to sexual activity might be seen as hot by some couples, but assumed consent based simply on the fact that a couple is dating is insane. The culture doesn’t just “assume” consent for bondage or whips… you have to work out the scene beforehand or IT’S RAPE.

    • exactly, there’s a difference between two consenting indivuduals using sexual activity to wake each other up. This girl never woke up which means he was just using her body in a way that prevented her from engaging and getting enjoyment out of it

    • More to the point, the culture shouldn’t be assuming consent for anything. Stuff like this comes from the idea that women are walking around in a perpetual state of de facto consent. Which is crazy.

  4. Hello. I’ve blogged about these myself and I agree that they are disgusting. I found your site while searching for a thorough analysis of the FML sexism. I’ve read through your “FML Fail” series and I admire the depth you go into. My eyes have been opened to types of sexism I previously would not have recognized. Thank you.

    I’ve started a list of all the sexism I can find on the site’s entries. I thought I’d point you toward it to perhaps facilitate your own project. Again, I am a fan of what you have posted on the subject.

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